Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Home Alone with Baby
Today was my off day from work, and home alone with baby - which basically (to me) equals ANXIETY.
I did not take the Klonopin, as it basically knocks me out. So, I pushed on throughout the day without my anti-anxiety med. (Isn't it awful I can't face a day with my own baby without having to take anti-anxiety meds?).
Anyway - I felt like crap, with this cold epidemic thing going around. However, I forced myself to attend my Stroller Striders class.
Felt like crap through class physically, but mentally it felt good talking to the other moms.
Scarfed down a protein bar on the drive home.
Fought with baby for her to take a nap.
Cleaned out the basement.
Went through motions of "playing" with baby.
Gave baby a bath.
Did not feel as anxious as other days, but still felt uneasy being alone with her.
Had opportunity to drop her off at family member's house - but once again, stuck it out.
Sticking it out, and roughing through it is not helping me.
So what if it's been 4 months and I still need help?
I really need to start dropping her off again on my days off from work and taking breaks. I think it's the breaks which enable me to recharge and face this PPD demon.
I WILL NOT FEEL WEAK OR GUILTY BECAUSE I STILL NEED HELP.