Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Got Guilt?

At my darkest hour, my psychiatrist (yes, I have a psychiatrist) said for me to "let go of the guilt". I felt guilty about leaving my husband, Shane, to go stay at my mom's for a respite. I feel guilty for having family always watching Keelyn while I stay home and sleep all day. I feel guilty that Shane has to deal with all of this. I feel guilty that I have this illness. I feel guilty for wanting a child that I really don't want now. I feel guilty for missing work. I feel guilty just for feeling guilty.
I feel this guilt on a daily basis, and I cannot just "let it go", no matter how hard I try. 


Pinky said...

The one thing my therapist always told me was that I had to look after myself first. I wasn't doing my daughter or husband any good if I didn't take care of myself. I often felt like I didn't deserve the breaks, and that I must be incompetent because I couldn't cope. Everytime I felt this way, I had to try to remind myself that the best thing I could do is to take a break and take care of myself. Very hard to believe at first, but if you keep telling yourself that, soon you will believe it and the guilt will start to fade. Not sure if it ever totally disappears though.

Natalie said...

It is just so hard to give up the guilt! Thanks for the comment - it's so helpful to talk to other mom's who have gone through this before me.