Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Lexapro Issues....

So, I am at home today (instead of being at work). This extreme fatigue and general lack of motivation seems to be from the Lexapro. In addition to constantly being tired, I have been having very vivid, extremely violent nightmares and an increased appetite. 

I am going to speak with my doctor about stopping the medication. I was never on medications prior to PPD and anxiety, and I really do not like being on meds now. I do not like how I am feeling on this med.

I would much rather not take any meds, and just see how I feel without any meds in my system. 

Who knew having a baby would cause all this? 

Babies are very expensive - but in addition to the monthly diapers and formula - I now have to pay for psych and therapy appts and meds.....

Monday, March 9, 2009

Slow Progress...

So, I haven't posted in a while. Since my last post, I feel as though I've made a little bit of improvement with this whole PPD and anxiety. 

The depression is not so much as issue, as the anxiety is. 

The anxiety about being home alone with Keelyn is my main issue. Fortunately, I'm only home alone with her for 2 full days/week. However, these 2 days feel like an eternity and cause me so much anxiety. After these full days alone with her, I often find myself needing to take off work while the baby is at Nan's just so I can "recover" from the day alone with the baby.....because I feel so drained. 

The weather has been really nice here the past couple of days, and the sun and warm temps have really helped me feel better in the depression aspect. I thank God for the wonderful blessing of this warm weather. 

All in all I feel like I am managing my PPD and anxiety better - however, I still do not feel 100% like myself. 

I keep praying that I will feel "normal" again. I just really feel as though time is the main thing to help me here. 

Thanks for reading!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Fat, lazy, crappy food eating, unkempt mother...

So the weekend is coming to and end. Shane was with me all weekend so that was nice. (Every 3rd weekend he has to do drill at the Coast Guard Reserve). 

I feel so much better on the weekends when Shane is here since I'm not alone with the baby. Although on Saturday morning I felt a lot of anxiety and had to take a Klonopin. I just felt really anxious and overwhelmed - and I didn't even know why. Can we all say Panic Attack? So, to prevent a panic attack I had to take a Klonopin - which was weird since Shane was at home with me. This PPD and anxiety thing is very hard to grasp what will freak me out and what I'm ok with.

Today, my mother took the baby for the day, and I've basically been sleeping and eating....
Not very productive. So, now I feel guilty for not being productive around the house and I feel anxious for having to clean the house during the week when I have the baby and work. 
And I feel guilty for eating so much crappy food all weekend.
It's all just guilt, guilt, guilt.....

I feel like a fat, lazy, crappy food eating, unkempt mother. 

Ok - enough feeling sorry for myself. I will try to take it day by day and have a good week.....