The depression is not so much as issue, as the anxiety is.
The anxiety about being home alone with Keelyn is my main issue. Fortunately, I'm only home alone with her for 2 full days/week. However, these 2 days feel like an eternity and cause me so much anxiety. After these full days alone with her, I often find myself needing to take off work while the baby is at Nan's just so I can "recover" from the day alone with the baby.....because I feel so drained.
The weather has been really nice here the past couple of days, and the sun and warm temps have really helped me feel better in the depression aspect. I thank God for the wonderful blessing of this warm weather.
All in all I feel like I am managing my PPD and anxiety better - however, I still do not feel 100% like myself.
I keep praying that I will feel "normal" again. I just really feel as though time is the main thing to help me here.
Thanks for reading!
4 comments:
Natalie, I am glad to find you. I will continue to read your story. I've been there. You can read my story at my blog. But I wanted you to know... you WILL be back to yourself. I love the phrase "new normal"! I feel like I've found my new normal. Something that quite isn't me... but a little better, a little different, but it's still me. Keep on the search for you. I pray that you'll find it soon.
Have you ever thought about meditation? I know it sounds a little foo foo, but I found it really helped my anxiety. I downloaded some muscial meditation music from Kelly Howell and would listen to it on my iPod as I went to sleep. There is some guided meditation stuff too, but if you are not into that sort of thing, the instrumental stuff is nice as well.
Hi Natalie. I found read your blog through a link on postpartumprogress.typepad.com. I 100% know what you are going through and you are not alone. My daughter is now 6 months but when she turned 2 months old is when I starting suffering from PPD. I was prescribed Zoloft which I took everyday for 3 months. I don't take the medication now but I still don't feel 100% myself, better than before but not exactly there yet. And when I am left alone with my daughter, I still feel like I need someone around (I don't like being left alone anymore). I don't have family that lives close (they live 2 hours away) so all I have is my husband and he works while I'm now a SAHM. It's really tough and no one understands how hard it is until they go through the same exact thing. But you will prevail..it's getting easier now that my daughter is getting older and I'm sure it will do the same for you. Your body is still adjusting to the shock of delivery and dramatic changes in your life, and with everything, it takes time. Just don't give up and take each day as it comes and make the best of it. When I feel that anxiety, I usually try to get my mind off of it (sounds easier than it is) but I try to burn the memories of my daughter's laughter and smile into my mind and think of how much of a blessing she is to me. And if you can, find a support group. The hospital where I delivered my daughter has a group where women that are pregnant or have a child under a year that feel depressed, etc. can meet. I think every hospital should have something like that. It just helps to know there are people that are going through the same thing as you, and that your not 'crazy'. It's something you can't help-a chemical imbalance from delivering a child. I'll be praying for you and look into the website I found your blog at. There seems to be pretty good information on it. Take care of yourself and your lil angel.
Hi ladies! Thanks for commenting on my latest post.
It is so really helpful to know that I truly am not alone in what I'm feeling and thinking!
Thanks for the prayers - I will be praying for you all as well.
Pinky-I try and do some deep breathing exercises sometimes when I feel anxious, but not any serious meditation. I will definitely look into it.
Tink-I wish we lived near each other! Our babies are around the same age (Keelyn is almost 5 months). We could hang out when our husbands are at work.
I work 3 days/week, but the days when I'm home alone I go to Stroller Striders and working out, while being with the baby and with other moms and their babies has really been helpful for me.
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