Where am I Going?

So, recently I have again been toying with the idea of just not being here anymore - and when I say "here", I really don't know what I mean. Confused?

I don't want to die, I don't enjoy life anymore though either - what's a girl to do?

I really kind of like my husband and don't want to leave him, but I do feel like running away from the baby. But the husband and baby are a package deal - so I can't leave. I'm stuck. 

I am really feeling like the meds are doing the best they'll do, and the rest is up to me to try and do some self talk to further help myself out. 

Funny how a 16 lb baby can scare the hell out of me and cause me anxiety problems. 

What's up with that?